I was 13 when I watched porn for the first time. It was on a Nokia C3. I wanted to download a football game on one of the popular sites back then when something popped up. It was a scantily dressed lady advertising a site. One click led to another, and I found myself engrossed watching video after video. The school bell rang and it was time to go home.
As I knelt to pray that night, I knew I had messed up and I was really sorry. But I was also having flashbacks of the scenes I had seen. Of the sin that I had sinned. It was so bad, but it felt so good. As my mind drifted back to my room, I concluded one of the shortest night prayers I had said in a while.
Break time at school the next day met me in the toilet, with my phone opened to the same site. I tried to tell myself that I was there to download the game which I couldn’t get the previous day, however I knew the truth. I waited for a long time for the pop-up to appear. It did. I clicked. I messed up yet again.
My struggle with porn continued for 7 years. Then I met Christ on the 30th of August 2019. The stage was the National Conference of the Baptist Students’ Fellowship (BSF) which held at Bowen University, Iwo. I was the 100 Level fellowship pastor at the time.
As the word of the Lord came, I knew it was for me. The minister spoke with such precision.
Pastor Oluwaseyi: Jesus in Matthew 11:28 said “Come to me all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” There are some of you that have been struggling with depression for so long, you have gotten used to the darkness in your soul. For others, you have consistently carried the burden of bitterness against God and against those who have hurt you. Also, some of you are struggling with addiction to fornication, pornography, masturbation and other destructive habits. Today, God is calling you. Jesus said, “…the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast away.” Come to the altar. Come to the feet of the cross. Jesus is calling you. My brother, my sister, why not tonight?
To the surprise of the fellowship executives who I sat with, I ran to the altar with tears in my eyes and prayers on my lips, “Lord, have mercy! Have mercy on me. Help me, Lord, lest I perish! Help me, Lord Jesus. Help meeee!!”
It has been more than three months since that great encounter. To be sincere with you, the first two weeks were smooth. I didn’t have any need for speed. Lol. No urge. Nothing. My Bible study was on point. As weeks turned into months, I began to crave for my “drug”. My brothers and sisters, it was not easy. Ko easy. I am ashamed to say it, but I went back a couple of times. I couldn’t help it. Or rather, I thought I couldn’t help it.
Yesterday morning, the craving came again. I needed a way to distract myself, so I logged into Instagram. Big mistake. I no know say I don play penalty go throw-in. My feed was boring, so I clicked “Explore”. Things got worse. Before I realized, I had closed the app and was about to launch my browser to visit those sites when a passage came rushing at me. Hebrews 12:1-3. I opened my YouVersion Bible app.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endure such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
I took deep breaths as a portion pierced my heart over and over again. “Let us throw off everything that hinders…and the sin that so easily entangles.”
…and the sin that so easily entangles…
…and the sin that so easily entangles…
And then I broke down and cried. I prayed, “Lord Jesus, I am at my weakest today, I need you to help me. Lord, I can’t do this on my own. Please help me